being a mom takes a lot of time, energy, patience, sacrifice and prayer. it's the most taxing job i've ever had. but i would never exchange it for anything.
recently i got an email from my awesome friend who i put up on a pedestal on being a funny, creative, and loving mom asking me the question: "what do mother's want?" my first thought was "a massage...sleep...quiet time every day." i wanted to write back a witty response to make her smile or even laugh...but decided to walk away from the computer, and sit and stew on this one.
what do i want?
i took two full days to sit and think, and stare at my girls.
for a long time i sat quietly and stared at them thinking.
"what, as a mother, do i want?"
here's a little of what i came up with:
-i want my kids to be safe, happy, healthy, successful in whatever they choose to be. -i want them to be able to handle their trials and learn from them.
-i want them to have healthy relationships.
-i want my kids to think i'm the coolest person alive.
-i want my kids to learn to work hard, and enjoy the fruits of their labor.
-i want them to think about their future at a young age.
-i want my kids to be smart with their money, their education, their investments. i want them to hold tight to what we try to teach them, that God is good.
-i want my kids to have faith that good can prevail.
-i want them to be smarter than the average American thought of "you need this now, and you can pay for it later."
-i want my kids to be safe from an abusive relationship.
-i want my kids to have great friends.
-i want my kids to not be bullied.
-i want my kids to value school.
-i want my kids to want to be good.
-i want my kids to want to stay morally clean.
-i want my daughters to be mothers.
-i want them to be able to fix their own problems because of what i taught them.
-i want them to not do drugs.
-i want my girls to always be best friends.
-i want them to be goody two shoes till their wedding night.
-i want my kids to basically be in a bubble that will protect them from anything harmful, anything wrong, and anything that will bring them pain.
as my thoughts swirled into a chaotic mess, and as i started to hyperventilate at the thought that my kids are going to have face so much as they grow up...i stopped. wiped away the tears, i sat and i stared at my beautiful kids that i would lay down my own life for, and the final answer came to me:
"what do i want?"
"i want to be a good mother at every stage of their life. i want to be there for them and to be able to handle the choices (good and bad) they make with grace, humility, and love. i want to always be able to love them, and forgive them, and to always have open arms when they need me. i want them to know how much i rely on the Lord. i hope to be a good example that they would want to do what is right and good not by my words but by my actions."
so scratch all that other stuff. (well not really but you know what i mean)
i just want to be good for them.
that's all that matters.
nothing else can come close to that in my world.
i just hope to be a good one.
and that makes me nervous just the same.
happy mothers day! may we all get exactly what we want!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
March and April
to say that i have slacked in writing on my blog lately is an understatement. we have been so so busy, that i just haven't had time to sit down and catch up. i am actually having to look back at the calendar to remember everything that we have been doing.
easter was wonderful! we went to an easter egg hunt/brunch at the club on saturday and the girls loved it. all three of them found lots of eggs (candy filled of course) and this year, they all loved the easter bunny. no one was scared! easter sunday we headed to church and again, all three in the nursery, no tears! i think our little girls are growing up. at least preslee and mason. finley is just happy to be with her sisters. then lunch at drew's parents and another easter egg hunt. it was a nice day to be outside and with family and the girls were so pretty in their dresses. here is a sneak peak of some of the pictures..
we went to the zoo with friends and the girls loved feeding all the animals. they are still talking about the different ones that we saw that day.
and this past sunday we took them to hershey to see the disney princesses on ice. it was amazing! they were so excited and got dressed up in their finest princess attire for the show. they were motionless in their seats for almost 2 hours. watching the girls idolize characters that i loved when i was their age was really cool. they are so looking forward to our disney trip in november with my family. i can't wait to see them when they see mickey up close!
the weather has been so nice, we have spent lots of days outside until it got dark. they are so ready for the pool to open so they can "swim". school will be wrapping up in another month and then we are off to florida and north carolina for 3 weeks!
easter was wonderful! we went to an easter egg hunt/brunch at the club on saturday and the girls loved it. all three of them found lots of eggs (candy filled of course) and this year, they all loved the easter bunny. no one was scared! easter sunday we headed to church and again, all three in the nursery, no tears! i think our little girls are growing up. at least preslee and mason. finley is just happy to be with her sisters. then lunch at drew's parents and another easter egg hunt. it was a nice day to be outside and with family and the girls were so pretty in their dresses. here is a sneak peak of some of the pictures..
we went to the zoo with friends and the girls loved feeding all the animals. they are still talking about the different ones that we saw that day.
and this past sunday we took them to hershey to see the disney princesses on ice. it was amazing! they were so excited and got dressed up in their finest princess attire for the show. they were motionless in their seats for almost 2 hours. watching the girls idolize characters that i loved when i was their age was really cool. they are so looking forward to our disney trip in november with my family. i can't wait to see them when they see mickey up close!
the weather has been so nice, we have spent lots of days outside until it got dark. they are so ready for the pool to open so they can "swim". school will be wrapping up in another month and then we are off to florida and north carolina for 3 weeks!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Turks and Caicos 2010
i have finally gotten around to organizing and making photo books of our trip to Turks and Caicos. we had such an amazing time and the girls just loved it. they became quite the little swimmers and adjusted to the changes in their schedules like champs. it was so great to spend time with the rest of the beynons and get away from all the snow and bad weather that january/february brought us. here are our pictures.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Finley
can i tell you a secret baby girl?
i didn’t mind nursing. in fact, i loved it. it was one of my favorite times with you.
every night, when the house was quiet and your sisters and daddy were sound asleep, i would be working away at my computer downstairs when i would hear you stir. as you cried your urgent, frantic tears, i would call out, “mommy’s coming,” and run up the stairs, two at a time, to get to you.
when i opened the door to the nursery, i would see you sitting up, the back of your tiny hand rubbing your eyes. you looked so small and helpless, sitting there in the middle of the bed. i would scoop you up and you would instantly stop crying. “mommy’s here. mommy’s here.”
i would grab your bunny and your blanket and we would cuddle up in the glider. mommy and finley together while the rest of the world slept. it was bliss for both of us.
but, at 13 1/2 months, you have decided to wean yourself. i knew this moment was coming and i swore that i was totally ready for it. ready for that little bit of freedom. now your daddy and i can go out before 8pm for dinner and marissa can put you to bed. but, now that it is here, i am a little sad.
last night, as I nursed you, i knew it was probably the last time. i have been weaning you slowly, dropping one feed at a time. tonight you decided that it was time to say goodbye to our before bed feeding as well.
as you nursed, i wished that someone were there to take some pictures for me – a picture of your feet crossed, a picture of your eyes closed as you drank, a picture of your fingers tangled in my hair. i don’t want to forget any of it. i can feel the memories slipping away already.
last night as I rocked you to sleep, your arms wrapped around my neck, your body hugging me like a baby bear, i knew that as we end our mother-baby bond of nursing, we will replace it with other forms of bonding. there will be hugs and cuddles and kisses that magically heal. there will be snuggles at bedtime and long talks after lights out. there will be stories and secrets and giggles.
and one day, i pray, i will be there with you as you learn to nurse your baby. i will promise you the pain will end and the bliss will come – those early days aren’t easy. i will burp and diaper so you can rest.
and when it comes time for you to wean, i will take photographs so you can remember.
i didn’t mind nursing. in fact, i loved it. it was one of my favorite times with you.
every night, when the house was quiet and your sisters and daddy were sound asleep, i would be working away at my computer downstairs when i would hear you stir. as you cried your urgent, frantic tears, i would call out, “mommy’s coming,” and run up the stairs, two at a time, to get to you.
when i opened the door to the nursery, i would see you sitting up, the back of your tiny hand rubbing your eyes. you looked so small and helpless, sitting there in the middle of the bed. i would scoop you up and you would instantly stop crying. “mommy’s here. mommy’s here.”
i would grab your bunny and your blanket and we would cuddle up in the glider. mommy and finley together while the rest of the world slept. it was bliss for both of us.
but, at 13 1/2 months, you have decided to wean yourself. i knew this moment was coming and i swore that i was totally ready for it. ready for that little bit of freedom. now your daddy and i can go out before 8pm for dinner and marissa can put you to bed. but, now that it is here, i am a little sad.
last night, as I nursed you, i knew it was probably the last time. i have been weaning you slowly, dropping one feed at a time. tonight you decided that it was time to say goodbye to our before bed feeding as well.
as you nursed, i wished that someone were there to take some pictures for me – a picture of your feet crossed, a picture of your eyes closed as you drank, a picture of your fingers tangled in my hair. i don’t want to forget any of it. i can feel the memories slipping away already.
last night as I rocked you to sleep, your arms wrapped around my neck, your body hugging me like a baby bear, i knew that as we end our mother-baby bond of nursing, we will replace it with other forms of bonding. there will be hugs and cuddles and kisses that magically heal. there will be snuggles at bedtime and long talks after lights out. there will be stories and secrets and giggles.
and one day, i pray, i will be there with you as you learn to nurse your baby. i will promise you the pain will end and the bliss will come – those early days aren’t easy. i will burp and diaper so you can rest.
and when it comes time for you to wean, i will take photographs so you can remember.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Valentines Day!
last year i had these cute pictures of the girls with heart shaped lollipops and their valentine shirts on and a sweet post ready for valentines day. this year, i don't even have any of those lollipops, i did make the girls a shirt for valentines, but they haven't worn it yet because their school valentines day party was rescheduled due to snow and i almost forgot to buy drew a card. can you tell we have been busy, busy!
with the 100's of inches of snow that baltimore has seen over the last month, our tropical vacation rescheduled and my sweet one year old finley now walking everywhere, i haven't had much time to do anything. so, friends and family, know that our sweet little girls are even cuter than last year and i will post some pictures after their party on thursday.
happy valentines day from the beynon's! we love you!
with the 100's of inches of snow that baltimore has seen over the last month, our tropical vacation rescheduled and my sweet one year old finley now walking everywhere, i haven't had much time to do anything. so, friends and family, know that our sweet little girls are even cuter than last year and i will post some pictures after their party on thursday.
happy valentines day from the beynon's! we love you!
Monday, February 1, 2010
3 Year Stats and Birthday Party Pics
last saturday, we celebrated preslee and mason's birthday party at the ultimate jumpzone. this has become one of our favorite places for playdates this winter and was the only place that the girls asked to have their party. so, with 25 kids, cupcakes and parents in tow we celebrated their third birthday. everyone had such a great time and i think all the kids slept really well that night.
and today, we went to see dr yeh for their three year appt. our girls are growing, but still peanuts. mason was 23 1/4 pounds (2%) and 34 1/4 inches (5%) tall and preslee is 27 pounds (5%) and 34 3/4 (5%) inches tall. they are off the charts for their developmental milestones. she was very impressed that they were writing few letters of their names!
and today, we went to see dr yeh for their three year appt. our girls are growing, but still peanuts. mason was 23 1/4 pounds (2%) and 34 1/4 inches (5%) tall and preslee is 27 pounds (5%) and 34 3/4 (5%) inches tall. they are off the charts for their developmental milestones. she was very impressed that they were writing few letters of their names!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Dear Mason
3 hours old
3 years old
mason,
your bright, blue, hypnotizing eyes are like a window to your soul. you are by far the most expressive child i have ever encountered. looking at you in all your innocence i see the compassion you already bear, the love and joy you embody, the hurt you occasionally feel, and the awe and amazement you experience in every passing moment of each day.
the "terrible twos" officially came to a close for you today. sure, you went bonkers your share of times and we've had our highly unpleasant battles of wills, but all in all, this year has been pretty awesome.
there was a shift this year. in the past, i've written about your shyness and your "slow to warm up" tendencies, but that has begun to fade away. usually at storytime at the library, you would just sit quietly and not interact. but when we went two weeks ago, things were very different. rather than quietly sitting on your carpet square sipping your juice box, you were leaping up to answer each of the questions. "that's a lion!" you shouted and then you roared. you were eager. you were confident. you were engaged. you knew all the answers. you were something so very different than even a month ago. and i was so proud.
this year, something also shifted in the way i viewed you. rather than viewing you as vulnerable, i came to view you as strong. so incredibly strong. and you are so incredibly responsible for your age. and sensible. and thoughtful. and empathetic. and observant. and funny. and beautiful. you, my little girl, are amazing. you are amazing as a person who has just turned three. i do not know exactly what you will do with yourself as an adult (other than preslee’s proclamation that you will be a fish), but you will be something. something fierce. something fantastic.
i do not worry how you will turn out. i think about your future all the time, but i don't worry how you will turn out.
i know.
you are an incredible little person with capabilities and traits that don't belong on someone your age. you will never be anything other than amazing. so i don't wonder.
i know.
i love you, i am amazed by you, mason. you are three, which is mind blowing but somehow not as devastating as i once felt the loss of your babyhood was. i am just loving watching you grow. watching you learn. watching you soar.
i was so lucky to have you be my baby. but i am far luckier to have you be my
daughter.
happy third birthday macey may. i love you,
mommy
3 years old
mason,
your bright, blue, hypnotizing eyes are like a window to your soul. you are by far the most expressive child i have ever encountered. looking at you in all your innocence i see the compassion you already bear, the love and joy you embody, the hurt you occasionally feel, and the awe and amazement you experience in every passing moment of each day.
the "terrible twos" officially came to a close for you today. sure, you went bonkers your share of times and we've had our highly unpleasant battles of wills, but all in all, this year has been pretty awesome.
there was a shift this year. in the past, i've written about your shyness and your "slow to warm up" tendencies, but that has begun to fade away. usually at storytime at the library, you would just sit quietly and not interact. but when we went two weeks ago, things were very different. rather than quietly sitting on your carpet square sipping your juice box, you were leaping up to answer each of the questions. "that's a lion!" you shouted and then you roared. you were eager. you were confident. you were engaged. you knew all the answers. you were something so very different than even a month ago. and i was so proud.
this year, something also shifted in the way i viewed you. rather than viewing you as vulnerable, i came to view you as strong. so incredibly strong. and you are so incredibly responsible for your age. and sensible. and thoughtful. and empathetic. and observant. and funny. and beautiful. you, my little girl, are amazing. you are amazing as a person who has just turned three. i do not know exactly what you will do with yourself as an adult (other than preslee’s proclamation that you will be a fish), but you will be something. something fierce. something fantastic.
i do not worry how you will turn out. i think about your future all the time, but i don't worry how you will turn out.
i know.
you are an incredible little person with capabilities and traits that don't belong on someone your age. you will never be anything other than amazing. so i don't wonder.
i know.
i love you, i am amazed by you, mason. you are three, which is mind blowing but somehow not as devastating as i once felt the loss of your babyhood was. i am just loving watching you grow. watching you learn. watching you soar.
i was so lucky to have you be my baby. but i am far luckier to have you be my
daughter.
happy third birthday macey may. i love you,
mommy
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