Happy 6th Birthday Mason

She makes me want to wear a cape, to sweep her away from any tough situation, to wrap her in my arms and keep her safe. Everyday.

Tomorrow, she will turn six. It sounds so cliché to say the last 2,190 days have been blinked away, but it most definitely feels as though they have. I blinked and she was born. I blinked and she could walk. I turned around to cook dinner and she was talking. I stopped for 15 minutes to have another baby and she could sing, turn a cartwheel and do karate. I ran to the grocery store and she’s halfway through kindergarten.

 My Sweet Girl Mason, When you were born, I was so taken by your dark hair and those gigantic blue eyes, I couldn’t bear to look away. I forced myself to let other people hold you. You and your sister made January 30, 2007 one of the absolute greatest days of my life.

I now find myself having a similar experience. While you have grown from a helpless infant to an “I can do it” toddler to the independent little treasure you are now, I have often held my breath, hoping I would know when to hold your hand and when to stand behind you with a little push.

When I look into your eyes, I see possibilities. You truly believe ANYTHING can happen. And that is magic…. The kind of magic I will bottle and do my best to sprinkle over you as you sleep each and every night. You can’t put a price on that kind of faith in the world. During this last year – I have seen the most significant changes in you – more than walking, more than talking… As these are tremendous milestones, they seem rooted in the physical. What I am witnessing now is the growth of your mind, of your heart. You are learning compassion and empathy. You are learning to give, to hurt, to be you.

I am so incredibly proud of the little girl who couldn’t come up with what she wanted for her birthday – who more than presents, just wanted a party for all of her friends. A party where you could sing and dance and twirl! I am in awe of the sweet girl, once so timid, who made a huge birthday invite list – unwilling to leave anyone out and who actually took charge and made sure all her friends were OK, rather than waiting for someone else to step up. You are this beautiful little soul. From you I have learned patience, I have experienced family, and I have evolved. I am a better person for having you in my life.

 Happy, Happy Birthday Baby Girl…wishing you a million days that reflect the possibilities you see. I love you with all my heart. Love, Mommy

Happy 6th Birthday Preslee

Preslee,

 When you wake up tomorrow, you'll be 6 years old. You've been waiting for this day for months -- marking the calendar, counting the weeks, writing and rewriting your wish list. In the morning, I'll make your favorite breakfast: Chocolate chip pancakes and strawberry milk. There will be birthday cupcakes in the refrigerator. Chocolate with vanilla frosting, just like you asked.

 It's hard to believe that one-third of your childhood has passed. I keep telling you to stop growing, to stay 5 years old forever, but you just won't listen. "I have to grow up," you say to me. "My body wants me to."  I can't count your age on one hand anymore.  We have moved onto two hands.  I don't know how I feel about that.

 Six years ago, when I was pregnant, I tried to imagine what you'd be like. I thought you might like princesses, flowers and the color pink, so I decorated your nursery in pink gingham and roses and Aunt Amy made your crib bedding with chenille and tulle. Turns out, you are exactly the way I imagined. Although you love blue better than pink, you are SO girly. You love bows and headbands, frills and sequins. I have heard you pray for God to send you a tail because you want to swim in the ocean like a mermaid. You love dress up and playing with your dolls. You will sit at your desk for hours and make cards and write letters to everyone you know.

 I never knew you'd be so stubborn! Though I should have seen that coming, given the way you came into this world. You and your sister came 6 weeks early. After my 2-week stay in the hospital. While I was ready to meet you both, I was so scared.

It was a scary afternoon for both of us. For some reason, you struggled a little with the whole breathing thing in the beginning. I was really sick and it was almost 2 days before I got to see your sweet little face. When the NICU nurses visited me and told me you were on a breathing machine, I was terrified. I prayed for you to be OK and just be able to breathe all on your own. I just wanted to be able to bring you and Mason home. Even though you had never been in it, our home was full of your presence. It seemed softer because of you. It smelled powdery and sweet, like love.

It took three days before I could hold you and rock you at the same time. You were so weak that you could only focus on one thing at a time. I had to feed you first and then I could rock you. I didn't care, though. You were here, and you were perfect.

I held you on my chest, and you looked up at me like you wanted to know what was going to happen next. And you have looked at me and asked that every single day since. You always ask, “Where are we going, who’s coming over?” So inquisitive, so full of life!

 We have our tough moments. It’s a constant struggle picking out your clothes in the morning. When you get an idea in your head, nothing will change that. You are so passionate about your choices. While it’s hard and most days, I pray for a school uniform for you, I love it. You are driven and you are strong! You are going to be something SO big one day.

But mostly, Preslee, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the way you march off to kindergarten every morning with a smile on your face and a spring in your step, like you are ready for anything. I am proud of the way you take care of your friends when they are scared or being teased in the schoolyard. I love the look on your face when you earn a new belt in karate or jump off the deep end of the swimming pool. Perhaps most of all, I appreciate the way you apologize whenever you hurt my feelings. You put your arm around my shoulder and say something that always makes me smile again. You are becoming SO grownup."I'm sorry, Mama," you say. "Don't you know our story always has a happy ending?"

 No matter how many birthdays you have, you will always be my beautiful, impatient, perfect little girl. No matter how old you get, I'll always be here to take care of you and make sure get all the hugs you need. These last 6 years have been amazing and I can’t wait to see what the next 6 have in store for us. I love you Pressy-Poo. You are my first-born. The first time I saw you, I knew what being a mother truly felt like. Happy Birthday baby! I love you!

Mommy

Happy 4th Birthday Finley!

Finley, Guess what? You are four. You are a little girl now. I shouldn't be calling you a baby any longer. Please forgive me for doing so and I hope I don't embarrass you one day if I say it in front of your friends. For now, you don't seem to mind. I want to keep you bite-sized but not because I don't want to see you grow and learn and become you but because I want to keep you protected and safe and warm and happy - to wrap you up as I did when you were a teeny baby and to hold you forever. I love you so much. We are pretty cool as a team, don't you think?

You enjoy hanging out, playing, going to restaurants and helping with the cooking at home. You don't like picking up after yourself or helping me with folding clothes (but who would?). You love shopping with Mommy. You are my big helper! I love it when you snuggle into bed with me in the mornings and you kiss me on the forehead and nose. Even if I am totally exhausted, waking up to you standing next to my bed, ready to snuggle is the absolute best! The way you race towards me when I pick you up after school and you tell me you love me as you are drifting off to sleep - they are the moments I look forward to each day.

Every evening I ask you if you had fun today and if you are happy. One day you might ask me why. Baby girl, you see, I don't want you to ever go to sleep upset. I want you to wake up smiling and ready to take on the day. Life is tricky. There is so much to learn about it and you are asking lots of questions these days such as "How do cows make milk?" and "Where do sandwiches come from?". You ask me the same questions because you know they make me laugh. But what if one day you ask me a harder question? I hope I can answer it for you. We've had a lot of fun this last year haven't we? We went to Disney World with Nana and Pop Pop, we spent a month in FL and NC with Mamaw and Papaw, Aunt Amy and Gavin. We went to the beach a few times this summer too. You told me this was your birthday week! It sure is. Today we are having a party with your Chestnut Grove friends. After school, we are going with your cousin Isabella for ice cream and then tonight, Nana and Pop Pop are coming to celebrate with dinner and a “chocolate cake with chocolate icing and white ice cream”. Just like you asked for. This weekend we will celebrate with the most amazing party anyone has ever seen, all for you and your sisters! You might not know this Finley - when you tell us one of your stories I'm not only listening to you but I am also memorizing your beautiful face. Your eyes tell me so much. From the day you were born, I told everyone, “She has the quirkiest little personality” and you still do. You are SO funny and have the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen. You get more beautiful every time I look at you.

I wish I could pause time for a little bit. Before I know it you'll be five. I love you more than I can ever put into words, my sweet baby. I love you all the love in the world. You are my heart. Mommy

The First Day of Kindergarten

Dear Preslee and Mason, The truth is that it has all gone by way too fast. Wasn’t it just yesterday that we heard your heartbeats for the first time? Wasn’t it just yesterday that your Daddy and I were trying to wrap the idea of having two babies around our heads? Wasn’t it just a couple of hours ago that I was changing your diapers? Didn’t you just hold out your arms and call me Mama this morning? I want to hold you in those moments for just a little while longer.

There is so much change coming. I remember this part. This is where my forced letting go begins. This is where you begin growing up. This is where your independence begins. I am so proud of you both. You will take kindergarten by storm! You are fearless. Everyone that meets you loves you! You are amazing in ways that you cannot fathom.

I am sitting here typing through tear filled eyes because I know where this road ends. A parent’s job is to raise children that make the world a better place, to be humans that we wish we could be more like, to fulfill their potential and exhaust their dreams. I will be your biggest cheerleader, no matter where your passions may lead and I will always be here when you need to come home. My heart will ache; it may even break, bursting with pride and love for you, my baby girls. Be patient with me. We begin a new chapter. Your first day of kindergarten will be one of the hardest mornings of my life but you will never know this. I will not cry in front of you and I promise to keep my collapsing in a pool of tears out of your line of sight. I am sad for the letting go but glad to have had you to myself for these first five years, my sweet little girls.

I love you more than you will ever fully know. Someday, when you have a child of your own, you will know why I hugged you just a little longer than I should have when I dropped you off on your first day of kindergarten. You will understand why I lingered just a little in the doorway before saying goodbye. Love, Your Mommy

Happy Mother's Day

i will never forget my first mother's day. preslee and mason were only 3 1/2 months old as i cradled them in my arms and whispered, "you're the best mother's day present ever." the day seemed surreal. how strange it all was – being someone's mom! the girls were baptized that day and we spent the day with our family, my own mom mothering me and marveling at her second and third grandchildren. each time someone said how beautiful the girls were, i felt a swelling of pride and satisfaction at a "job well done." but these maternal feelings did not start on mother's day. they surfaced months prior, on the day i found out i was pregnant and my image of myself was changed forever. the day i saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test was the beginning of my evolution as a mother. i began to take care of myself as though i were already holding my babies, and indeed, i was. drew also began treating me differently. he became more protective of me and the two little lives that i was growing. the months that led up to that first mother's day were long and challenging, yet not nearly enough time to prepare for the life-altering reality that it is to become someone's mom. but as i lay cuddled with preslee and mason on that first mother's day morning, i realized that these two little people were an extension of myself, and i was ready for all the changes that motherhood would bring. by my second mother's day, i felt much more at ease with my newfound role. after all, having survived a year with twins made me a veteran mom deserving of a day in my honor. i really had begun to understand what it meant to be a parent. i think becoming a parent is the only way to truly appreciate and understand your own parents. little did i know that i was already pregnant with our third baby girl, finley. eleven days later, we found out our wonderful news! that day was magical; i felt full of anticipation and hope that i would become a mother for the third time, and later that year, i did. finley clark was born january 14, 2009, exactly on the date of her scheduled c-section. she was just as healthy and beautiful as her sisters and all my fears and anxiety were chased away by fulfilled dreams and prayers. this brings us to my sixth mother's day. though i have not yet celebrated it, i can tell you that this every year the becomes even more significant than the last. i have so much to be thankful for as a mother: three healthy children who love me unconditionally. they are just starting to understand what mother's day is about. this day is really for me to celebrate our life together, to revel in their smiles, to cherish being their mother. and i do cherish being their mother. this day will remind me just how in love with them i am. the day-to-day business of life can make it difficult to focus on all the things that make children so special, the joy they bring and the love they embody. i think we all need that reminder sometimes. and in case you need it, here's your reminder: never let motherhood take on such a feeling of routine that a glance at your children no longer leaves you in awe. mother's day is to honor all of us who claim the title, but it's also a day for us to honor the task that we have been given. it's nice if your kids are old enough to draw you a picture, offer flowers or give a gift. but the real joy of mother's day – no matter the age of your children – is to celebrate within ourselves the immense love that we feel for these beings we've created. and once you have the hang of that, isn't every day?

Happy 8 Years!

For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer…


Marriage is a test
Somedays it pushes you to your limits.
But it makes us stronger.


Everyday our life just keeps getting better!


Thank you for…
believing in me,
encouraging me,
making me laugh,
loving my cooking,
making me feel beautiful inside and out.


For being you and letting me be me…
and helping with the laundry, since you know I hate doing that!
I look forward to sleeping beside you every night,
waking up with my head resting on your chest
and your whispers in my ear.



You still give me goosebumps.
You make me feel safe.

The way your eyes sparkle when you look at our daughters fills me with a
sense of happiness that is only outweighed by how much they love you!




Happy 8th Anniversary, Drew! I love you.

Happy 5th Birthday Mason

Mason,
Today is your fifth birthday. Wow, that is almost hard for me to say out loud. I remember the first glimpse I got of you being wheeled out of the OR to the NICU. 5:48 PM, January 30, 2007. 34 weeks, 3 pounds, 14 ozs, 17 ¼ inches long. Screaming your little head off! So tiny and yet so mighty!

My heart was literally broken in half when the doctors told me that I wouldn’t be able to see you and Preslee for a few days. Mommy was sick too and I had to be a little better before I could hold you. I remember the first picture that Daddy took the night you were born. He brought the camera up to my room to show me you and your sister. I could not wrap my head around the fact that we had done it. Me, you and Preslee, a team for 34 whole weeks. You were both healthy. Your Daddy and I were so happy. You were just minutes old, sucking down a bottle, like you had done it your whole life.

You exude strength. You are silly. Confident. Stubborn. Dramatic. Artistic. Life of the party. Talkative. People flock towards you.

There are days that I lose myself in your eyes and wonder how you became the person you are today. Are you really my daughter? Bubbly, boisterous, and beautiful. I am so grateful for who you are. I am envious of your passion for life, your confidence, your ambitions. I want to bottle up your soul forever.

You have taught me so many great things and opened up my eyes to a new world. "You can dance with Daddy!!!" you squealed yesterday when I asked myself out loud what I was going to do with my time while my three girls were in school next fall. Thank you dearest Mason, Daddy and I will dance that day. You make my heart sing out loud when I look in the rear view mirror of my minivan. I see you break out in song as your limbs start dancing and I smile at your honesty. You are always happy and pure and I want to bottle your soul up for the next day. And. The next.

You, sweet daughter, are the life of the party–any party. And if there isn’t a party, you are determined to either find one or start one. You love people, more than perhaps anyone I know. Mason, you love life and you love being alive. Everyday is wonderful in your eyes and that makes my days more wonderful too.

Mason, it is no surprise that those around you, family friends and even strangers, adore you. You capture hearts wherever you go. You are also one of the funniest people I know. However, I’m not going let you get off that easy. You are also a stubborn little girl, who once fixated on something has an almost impossible time of letting go, which results in some difficult bedtimes.
Your stubbornness is a challenge for your dad and me, but we have no doubt that God will use your resolve to bless His name…it might just take a while.

I love you Mason. I love your sass and your heart. I love your love of fashion and accessories. Daddy better get ready. You, your sisters and I will be great shopping partners in crime in the future. I love your creativity and imagination. I love imagining who you will become and what you will accomplish in life.

Happy 5th Birthday Mason Elizabeth! I love you all the love in the world.

Love, Mommy
30 3/4 pounds and 39 1/2 inches tall on your 5 year appt.